I have surrendered to the pain and fatigue. I didn't go to weaving last night and have dropped the class. I just can't concentrate sufficiently for 3 hours to make the class worth either my while or have the instructor helping me all the time when there are other students to help. I went home after my Bowen therapist unlocked all my knots and got rid of the headache I'd had for 2 days by unkinking my neck and shoulders. I picked up a box of books from Amazon and one was Being a Widow by Lynn Caine and she lost her husband to liver cancer as well. Everything she said in the first 25 pages just rang in me like a bell. It was all exactly what I was feeling and going through. That's when I decided that I needed to get my body back under control. I tried to take a nap but was awakened by my SIL who was answering my email about coming to visit. I cried a lot to her and promised to arrange something. Now that my class isn't occupying one night a week, I can go whenever I want. I'd like to get some more of the paperwork sorted out, but maybe next month I'll have a handle on it.
This is the worst thing that ever happened to me and from the book I may have at least a year before I feel anywhere near human again. I am the grips of this horrible feeling which only another widow can really understand. Please bear with me. My fiber world does help me and I knit socks and watched TV last night with cats on my lap. That's my comfort zone.