I don't want to worry anyone by going silent. I've been busier than a one-armed paper hanger, to use one of my mother's turns of phrase. I have also learned that one day of cleaning/sorting/filing/whatever leads to massive leg pain knocking me off my feet for my legs to recover. I have almost finished going through the books separating the sci fi, from the books in our general collection, from the books going to charity (remember he never discarded a book back to the the 1960's). The Civil War books are going to ADFA who are glad to get them. For some obscure reason, our public library refuses all donations so they will go to charity. I've been filling out forms, making phone calls to find out what forms I need to fill out, getting photocopies of documents to attach to the forms. I am astonished that some organizations require practically no documentation and others require everything and then some. I will have someone over to try and hack into the Bear's side of the Big Computer. I've made the first steps in sorting out finances, but all of this takes time. I haven't dealt with the car or real estate yet, partially because I don't know what will be coming in from his estate.

On the other side there is the loom in Melbourne. I am still trying to find out how to get it shipped from there to here. The only door that it will fit through is into the dining room which is not what I want. So it will go into storage while I play with the 4 shaft loom, refurbish the Bear's bedroom (which I can barely stand to look at now) into a proper guest room with new carpet etc., and turn the back (formerly guest) bedroom into my studio. I have a plan of how I might be able to get the loom into it, but I'll ponder that until I get other things under control. Once the books are out of the computer room and the Bear's former bedroom, I can rearrange things.

This may sound all very heartless to describe but believe me it is extremely difficult to deal with every one of these decisions and I cry every day. I still simply can't believe he is gone. I am always tired and try very hard not to think about him too much because I just break down and the pain is raw still. Going to work is almost a relief in that I have something to focus on for a those hours. Anybody reading this should immediately go the the person you love and tell them that they are loved and give them whatever the appropriate gesture is, whether it's a hug or, as we used to say, tonsil-sucking. What I would give for another cuddle, another kiss, another hand-holding.

I gave up on Conquistador and am reading The Prodigal Sun which is very good and even written by an Aussie. I have many boxes of books waiting patiently to be read.