Friday, August 17, 2007

I feel very weird. I'm at the point of a cold when you don't really feel miserable but you aren't nearly back to full strength and you have this annoying cough. But that's not why I am feeling weird. I just balanced my bank account. My account. In my name alone. And I screwed it up the first time, but now I don't have anybody there to say "Help!" to, so I did it over and over until I got it right. (It helps to read the statement closely) The house is very quiet. No one will come home tonight and give me a kiss and a cuddle. And I can say that (at this particular point in time) without bursting into tears. I may cry in 15 minutes, but right here it's a tear-free zone and that's what's weird. I don't miss him any less but I am beginning to see that there is life. A very different life than what I had planned, but a life. I'll have to see what being a widow with two cats is like. I can eat broccoli and artichokes all I want and I will never have to watch someone make a cold baked bean sandwich. Well, never say never. I cannot imagine what man could fit into the impossibly big slippers of The Bear and I doubt there is such a person, but then I didn't know he was here until the internet brought us together. I sincerely doubt I will ever find another soul mate. They are unique by definition, aren't they? It would be nice to have him back, and healthy. No nasty livers and I'll tolerate all his mess in an instant.

On a completely different note, the Imp is hereby put up for sale. Price TBD. Last night I looked down to find her wrestling with a tube of hand-spun singles. Then I went to take out the rubbish, in my dressing gown (bathrobe), and she decides running out in the dark would be fun. Cursing the darkness, a candle will not help you find a grey cat at night. So I had to find my way next door and borrow a torch (flashlight) and called her. By that time she had decided this wasn't as much fun as she had thought it would be and was up on the porch. Throw her inside, return torch, go back inside and crawl back into bed. What's the lure of Burmese again? Oh she makes an excellent hot water bottle, even if we do fight over who has the main part of the bed. And she's very cute when she asks to get under the covers and lies along my side with her head on my shoulder and goes to sleep. Then again she brings me twist-ties to play with on top of me at 5 AM. Fortunately she's seemingly unbreakable so throwing her off my lap means she bounces. She's very soft and loves me very much. Maybe I'll keep her anyway.

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