Friday, June 29, 2007

This will have to be short because I am worn out and my eyes have cried too many tears. He had tests done today and the news is even worse. His liver cancer has spread and he is not strong enough for chemo to help him. He will not get any motion back in his legs and therefore can't come home because he requires more care than is reasonable to expect. The oncologist (whom I like and think is very honest and straightforward) said to call the family in because he has just weeks left and we don't know how long he will be alert enough to know people. When I saw him yesterday he was more jaundiced and drifted in and out of conversation with me and a close friend. I am now going to be with him every day for as long as I can to the very end. I know his wishes, I have all the legal documents signed and now all I can do is watch my soul mate go onto the next stage without me. My grief is for the time we didn't have the chance to spend together, while I remember all the wonderful times we did have. Wildflowers in WA, holidays in Coffs Harbour, watching lyrebirds in Dorrigo, touring Williamsburg where he was plucked from the crowd to read Patrick Henry's speech to the Virginia Assembly, a family reunion on the last trip to the States. I can't imagine life without him, but it will go on. I am still knitting him a pair of socks.


Donna said...

I wish I had words that would help for you. I'm thinking of you both.

Random Knits

Sue said...

I'm so sorry for what you both are going through right now. I have no wise things to say, just that I'll be thinking of you.

Taueret said...

I'm thinking of you too. I'm so sorry.