Friday, March 20, 2009

I've been not posting (as you may have noticed) but the stats are through the roof. A mystery. I've been depressed. I've been in pain. I've been sleeping. I've been missing somebody. I've been angry with somebody. I've been terrified of the the surgery. I've been lonely. I've been thinking about the future. I've been grieving. I've been living inside my head too much. I don't like being alone so much. I guess being in hospital for 10 days will cure that.

I was waiting to see my GP this morning and listening to one of my favourite podcasts, All in the Mind, and the two episodes about dreams in particular. I have always had extremely complicated, vivid dreams that are like surreal motion pictures (sometimes there are even credits). According to some theorists, if you believe dreams don't mean anything, then your dreams are random. Mine certainly have no themes that I can fathom, but frequently I can see the origin of a concept in a dream from something that happened recently in my awake life. The dreams became even more bizarre when I went on heavy duty medication for fibro and my shrink said the drugs could be causing that. There was a famous one involving a pregnant water buffalo, and I'm pretty sure that has no cross over into real life. One thing I have noticed is that I rarely dream about my current husband. I have been married three times. I never dreamed about the Bear until he had passed away, but I dreamt about H2 all the time. Now that H2 is more present in my life, last night I had a dream about H1 and I can't remember the last time that happened. In typical fashion, it was surreal, beginning at a ski resort (I don't ski and I can't inagine H1 skiiing), and then proceeded to a restaurant where we shared a table with a couple we had met at the resort. The restaurant seemed very nice, in decor, menu, etc., but the service was abysmal. H1 became so incensed at this state of events that he jumped up and str
ipped down to his underwear to gain the attention of the staff. I cannot see where any of that would come from my conscious mind.

Last night I watched an episode of one of my favourite food shows, Cheese Slices, and Will was in Campagna and eating mozzarella. I remember when I was in elementary school, my good friend Susan introduced me to grilled cheese sandwiches made with mozzarella and I've been addicted to this cheese ever since. I had no idea how mozzarella was made until I saw it being made here in Australia from the milk of imported buffalo. I watched one Italian chef TV show where he stated that he never heard of the fascination with buffalo milk mozzarella until he got to New York. All I can think is he must have grown up in Tuscany or somewhere else in Northern Italy, because there were lots of buffalo in this episode. I think I would have to go out to a deli stocking imported cheese to find anything like the real stuff here (a very dangerous adventure to my wallet and my waist) but I might get some of the wet soft mozzarella for my pizza since I am dissatisfied with the garden variety in my supermarket. It melts and slides off the pizza! Will had some wood fired pizza (which would be on my menu for my last meal) and the pizza cooked in 5 minutes because the oven was so hot. I aim for that with my pizza stone and have gotten it down to 7 minutes.

I have been spinning a lot in the evenings since I use my left leg to control my Roberta and
that may become difficult after the surgery. I finished spinning the 500 gm of purple roving from Bendigo (it's actually darker than in the photo) and have another kg of it to spin. I intend on making the Celtic Icon hoodie from Inspired Cable Knits by Fiona Ellis. As the one in KnitPicks has, I intend on putting a zipper up the front. I've also been spinning alpaca, and carding more as I run out. I'd like to have two full bobbins before surgery and I am 3/4 of the way to that goal. This is the white alpaca which is the only thing I have much washed. It's also what I had 3 garbage bags of, so there's lots more to come.

Soon it will be time to get out the woolen stuff. I managed to get my furnace lit for another year. Hurray! I dread the autumn when the service man tells me it's a lost cause.

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