It's getting very close to July 1 and J thinks my body is subconsciously feeling it, although I am not too depressed in my conscious mind. I'm certainly not very cheery since all I can say is this is not the life I pictured for myself and I still feel horribly wounded when the Bear was ripped from me. I've screwed up everything I could in the past week and feel like I'm a walking accident. J is coming over in the night of July 1 to keep me occupied and the other J is going out the lunch with me the day after. I am so glad I have friends to support me, even though at the end of the day I'm still alone and feeling it deeply.

I also had lunch yesterday with M and C for a girl chat and C came over to my house afterwards for an "airing of the stash". I managed to offload to her a whole plastic box full of assorted yarns. She knits for kids and she also knit toys so lots of little bits and pieces went to her. I even gave her my green and gold handspun so she could think of something to knit with it. I kept pulling out handspun and realized I really should knit with some of it, so I am putting the saddle shoulder cardigan back in the queue and am going to knit a warm jacket out of assorted greys from handspun. I would like to think I can do it before I go overseas but I don't knit very fast. I'd like one with a zip front. I even offloaded sock yarn (gasp). The red and white hat is almost finished. I have the final row and then the finishing to do. I actually liked the pattern and wouldn't mind knitting it again. I am also going to start summer knitting with a shell/tank from Choo-Choo ribbon yarn from Crystal Palace.

The family history business sucks me in. I am on One Great Family which links you to other contributed family trees so my meager knowledge has been linked to others going back 13 generations. I haven't fully looked at the whole tree yes, and this is just 2 of the branches from my mother's side. I got stuck with "Tyler" which was my great-grandmother's maiden name. What has blown me away is that I am linked to some of the earliest settlers in Massachusetts and Canada. When you learn all this early colonial history in school it sort of become a soup and to think that my distant relatives were in the very first settlers in the New World is just fascinating to me. I've got a couple of books out of the Library to learn more. I never thought when the Bear and I were touring Jamestown, that my ancestors were landing in Massachusetts not long after. I'd like to learn what it was like to live then. I assume because of the early date they were religious refugees, which would tie to the family myth on my father's side that we were early Congregationalists (Puritans) in Connecticut which I now know was superficially fiction. My grandparents only joined the Old Stone Church shortly before my father was born.