Well, folks, I got some feedback from my rheumatologist today that wasn't entirely unexpected but really wasn't what I wanted. It seems I have run out of options in trying to lessen my pain and improve my general health. My wrists are "worn out", there is one new alternative pain drug I can try which is twice as expensive as the one I take now, but my only real option to live a life without the unrelenting pain, lack of sleep, and continuing to miss work, is to retire. I could go for full disability, but by the time the wheels of bureaucracy chew through that, I will be 60 which can be retirement age in terms of the ability to access my Australian superannuation (pension) funds. I was surprised to realize that I have worked more years in Australia than I have in the US, where I can't touch my pension till I'm 65. I will have get in touch with the super fund and try to get a ball park figure of what my income will be and how much of it will be taxable (as a public servant a portion is taxable but I have never been able to figure out what portion and how much). In the meantime I will not hoard my leave as much as I have been and will take it when I need it. I haven't touched my long service leave, and will take the first of it when I go to the states. I will have to make sacrifices but I think when I can control my own schedule and not have to cram activities into "spare" time, I will be better (i.e., in less pain and less tired). There may be a lot less knitting (or slower) and much less computer work because I know that's what has really been the death of my right thumb and wrist. No volunteer work at the library either. Whether the garden can still be maintained without doing myself in, if I can do it piece-meal, we'll have to see. I may be forced to move into a smaller house, which is what the renovations have been done for, to make the house sellable. Not completely finished there but better. If I could only sell the land in Victoria but property isn't moving at the moment. My boss has been encouraging me to do this and I have been resisting because I do love my job, but it has been so hard to get going in the morning since it got cold. I wake up in agony and it takes much longer for my meds to kick in.

Maybe I need a review of the stash in light of what's weaving material. I don't think I'll be knitting much cotton but it can be woven. I also need to consider the blog.