Friday, August 01, 2008

There is so much I can't blog about that I feel rather stifled. I am a person who has strong emotions, both positive and negative. I am not manic-depressive since I have never felt mania, but some times are better than others. My ex who has volunteered to chauffeur me on the second stage of my trip in October has seen both sides at their worst. He is in his protective mode which I value so much. Not that I would have ever given up my soul mate, but if my ex had been at the level of maturity he is now (having gone through some bad patches himself) and I had been less rigid in my expectations, we might still be married. But I doubt it; too many promises had been broken long before I met the Bear. I am much better at managing my emotions now, and the grief for my Bear stays in its box most of the time. I have gotten a book out of the library that is a guide to channeling strong emotions for those of my spiritual bent that I hope will give me some ideas. Right now, I am very good at putting on the game face or whenever is needed for long periods of time, but it only means that the bottle get uncorked sometime and it all comes out, usually the bad parts. Funny how I don't get overcome with the effort of holding happiness in check, eh? More socially acceptable to be happy that to be unhappy.

I am knitting a pair of bed socks for J our of hand-spun merino and silk (green) which are very mechanical for me. I have to generate a new knitting project since my dream cardi hasn't materialized, so maybe I'll pull something out of the stash and knit something else. That grey superwash wasn't what I had in mind for the dream cardi but an Aran variation like Cables after Whiskey might be interesting to play with.

Started reading Robert Silverberg's The Alien Years, which was written in 1998 and starts with "seven years from now" and he manages somehow to make it still feel 7 or so years in the future. Silverberg was one of the authors the Bear and I shared so I feel a connection reading "old" sci-fi, which he probably read several times altho I bought this because I didn't recognize the title and with that publication date, I should have remembered it.

It has been extremely windy all evening and I was beginning to worry about trees falling down. There are no big ones of that character near the house. High winds always put me on edge. There goes the roof/window/tree/whatever. Sometimes being a homeowner is too much worry about all the things that could go wrong.

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